You know me, I’m always here to help a sister, even one who puts her pants on one leg at a time like any other guy, namely Hillary Clinton.

When she realized that, once again, that big ole’ lovable hound dog of a husband of her’s had gotten off the porch, although granted, not in the usual way, at that supermarket in Iowa, I decided to offer a few suggestions, one veteran wife to another. I mean who among us hasn’t given that “where in the heck is he NOW look?” Usually it’s because he’s wandered off in the electronics store, not because like, Bill Clinton, we can’t find him at one of our personal appearances, or because he’s not behind his desk in the Oval Office (have you checked that little room off the Oval Office, BTW?)

Hill, have you ever considered one of those kid leashes for Bubba that have become popular in recent years? Granted, for your boy, you might need something a little more rugged. I did see some electrified collars at Petsmart. Or was it Petco …? An aside: Hillary, maybe now you’ve got a little more compassion for that girl that looked like Ernie from “My Three Sons,” Lindie England. It’s not so easy to control these dawgs, is it?

Speaking of our canine friends, as you know, I love dogs and have two of the adorable creatures, both rescued from shelters, one 90-something pounds, and the other an ~60 pound pit bull. I walk them on a partner leash, which means I am controlling potentially squirrel-chasing doggage that outweighs me by approximately 35 pounds. How do I do it? I make it clear that I am the alpha bitch, of course. That shouldn’t be hard for you.

When in doubt, I say go back to what worked for our grandmothers. My great-grandmother was famous within the family for never hesitating to hop out of her buggy and take a whip to anyone she saw violating the societal norms of the day, usually errant teenage boys picking on some innocent girl by trying to chase her and pull her pigtails. That might be a tad retro, but I still have my grandmother’s rolling pin, which I use to roll out the perfect piecrust (thanks, Grandma), but which I’m told can be used on husbands who have forgotten that they are supposed to be at their wives’s sides, especially when those wives are running for president.

Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Bubba, Petsmart, Petco, Ernie from “My Three Sons, ” Lindie England, dogs, pit bull, my grandmother’s rolling pin   

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