On last night’s show I advocated that we take the same approach to the “crisis” of man-made global warming that the democrats take toward our national security; that is, embrace defeat and look for the short-term silver lining. We have troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, fending off a death cult of head chopping lunatics who dream of repeating—no, exceeding the horrors of 9/11 and ultimately destroying Western civilization. Are the democrats worried about that? Hell no! They are counting the number of seats in Congress that they will pick up if things go badly for our side. Support the troops? Of course they do. Just ask them. Invested completely in defeat? Absolutely, and happily adding up the benefits, while blithely ignoring the consequences for our future security.
So when Sheryl Crow tells us to eschew our paper napkins in favor of wearing some sort of filthy, washable sleeve and wiping our mouths on it all day like demented bag ladies, and even worse, risking for an outbreak of e-coli borne disease by limiting toilet paper use to one-square per bathroom visit, I say “Sorry, Sheryl, but the war against man-made global warming is already lost, but when life gives you lemons, I say make lemonade! Since we’re doomed, let’s shoot the moon! Chances are the earth won’t turn into a fireball until after I’ve gone, so I’m going to enjoy wasting all the paper napkins and toilet paper I can. I’ve got mine. What happens in the future isn’t my problem.”
Now, pass me a roll of paper towels. I have to dust my dog’s crate, right after I put this single glass in the dishwasher and run it.

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